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Humour corner
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TOPIC: Humour corner

Humour corner 01 Oct 2010 15:52 #465457

  • ragdoll
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Humour is an excellent ally in the fight against fear that we all have to deal with from time to time. Maybe this thread could be devoted to humourous links or short anecdotes that could lighten all our days.Perhaps Peter could indulge me in this.

I will start by posting Margaret's link - very funny if your humour is anything like mine...
short video

Thank you Margaret

RE: Humour corner 01 Oct 2010 16:01 #465605

Thank you Palo, I couldn't make the link live so thanks for putting it on for me, I wasn't too sure about putting it on the forum, a friend sent it to me and I did find it funny so thought I would share it, I think we probably have the same sense of humour, thanks again.

Margaret.

RE: Humour corner 02 Oct 2010 10:00 #466253

  • clairesy
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palo...

Even my 12 year old was giggling at that one!!

really funny!!

I know that MG is a very serious issue, and defiantly not one top be laughed at (Even though humour is my first line of defense) I think that its great if we can have a giggle.

Bring it on!!

I have a fantastic Eddie Izzard sketch played out with lego people..

Its Darth Vadar

:vader: Getting a snack in the galactic restaurant... Its a bit too naughty to put on here... But you can find it on Youtube... Its hilarious!!

RE: Humour corner 02 Oct 2010 18:59 #468072

  • pam
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very good

RE: Humour corner 03 Oct 2010 16:25 #468172

  • swoman77
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Great threat and the anaesthetists blog was v funny. Thought I would carry on the theme and choose this one as it relates well to all our health trials and tribulations

Actual writings from real hospital notes.

1. The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
4. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
5. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
6. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
7. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1999.
8. Discharge status : Alive but without permission.
9. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
10. Patient had toast for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
11. She is numb from the toes down.
12. While in A&E the patient was examined, x-rated and sent home.
13.The skin was moist and dry.
14. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
15. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
16. Rectal examination revealed a normal sized thyroid.
17. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
18. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physiotherapy.
19. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
20. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
21. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

22. The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.

23. Patient has 2 teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

RE: Humour corner 03 Oct 2010 16:39 #468178

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I am in hysterics - I love them!!

RE: Humour corner 03 Oct 2010 17:56 #468197

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keep it up guys i came out of hospital today 3 days post thymecomy this lot really made me giggle just what i needed, by the way no one told me i would look like a back to front quasimodo i have got a hunch front i am assured it will go down but my husband thinks it is hilarious.

love humour corner

jan
x

RE: Humour corner 03 Oct 2010 18:35 #468209

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This is almost non-PC for this Forum - but hey, not quite...

Crazy Logic

Kerry is medical student. When she was studying the toxicology module she attended the 'poison control centre' in the city. Kerry told a tale that a woman had 'phoned who was very upset because she had caught her little daughter eating ants. Kerry quickly reassured her that the ants were not harmful and there would be no need to take her daughter to Southampton General hospital. She calmed the caller down. At the end of the conversation the woman happened to mention that she had given her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.

Kerry told her that she better take her daughter to accident and emergency straightaway!

RE: Humour corner 03 Oct 2010 22:08 #468226

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A real man is a woman’s best friend. He will
never stand her up and never let her down.
He will reassure her when she feels insecure
and comfort her after a bad day.

He will inspire her to do things she never
thought she could do; to live without fear
and forget regret. He will enable her to
express her deepest emotions and give in to
her most intimate desires. He will make sure
she always feels as though she’s the most
beautiful woman in the room and will enable
her to be her most confident, sexy,
seductive, and invincible.

No wait… sorry… I’m thinking of wine.
It’s wine that does all that…….

Never mind.
--

Rob

RE: Humour corner 04 Oct 2010 14:54 #468299

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Is it fair that while diamonds are a girl's best friend, a man's best friend is his dog?

RE: Humour corner 04 Oct 2010 15:34 #468318

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Levitas wrote:
Is it fair that while diamonds are a girl's best friend, a man's best friend is his dog?


I know what you mean....men come out on top again.

Maybe one day, we might let them share in the joy that having a good canine friend will bring.

Lock a woman in the boot of your car and leave her there for a few hours. When you open it again, all you get is ear-ache!

Lock a dog in the boot of your car and leave it there for a few hours. When you open it again, all you get is a wagging tail and a licked-face.

No comparison!

Max
Max - Manager MGA UK

RE: Humour corner 04 Oct 2010 18:39 #468372

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You might have read in the papers recently criticism of people (mainly the young) using bad grammar and slang.
I heard of one young doctor saying that his patient was “well ill”!
Well apparently now means very.
When I was young the slang for very was “dead”.
If it was very good it was “dead good”.
So then the young doctor might have said that a patient was “dead well”.

Plus ça change..................................................!

RE: Humour corner 04 Oct 2010 18:51 #468375

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oh yes!

I remember the "hot pants" that young ladies used to wear.

One youth would say "She's hot" the other would reply "yeah, real cool"

LOL

Max
Max - Manager MGA UK

RE: Humour corner 07 Oct 2010 08:42 #471607

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Gill...

Those hospital notes are soooo funny!
I will have to show hubby when he gets home... Thank you! Have not laughed so much in ages!!

RE: Humour corner 12 Oct 2010 08:15 #481707

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Dear wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been hell.

Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favourite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want s#x or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband
P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to Scotland together! Have a great life

Dear Ex-Husband
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favourite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the £49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed £50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lottery for £10million, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me.
So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl.
I hope that's not a problem.
Jan x
The following user(s) said Thank You: redrobin

RE: Humour corner 12 Oct 2010 09:41 #481732

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P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to Scotland together! Have a great life


Not another whinging loser coming back home surely? Still if he can play football...

RE: Humour corner 12 Oct 2010 19:18 #488881

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These are all sooo funny, I suspect cos there is an element of truth in them!!

I'm racking my little brain for something humerous to add but so far, nothing.

Does anyone have any real life funny experiences re their MG?

Pam x

RE: Humour corner 14 Oct 2010 15:48 #489720

Very Interesting and Scientifically Proven

Six Truths in Life

1. You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time, a physical impossibility








2. All idiots, after reading Number 1 will try it.




3. And discover Number 1 is a lie.



4. You are smiling now because you are an idiot.




5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.



6. There is still a stupid smile on your face .



I sincerely apologize about this but I'm an idiot and I needed company. You now have 2 options...delete it, or send it along to put a smile on someone's face today.

RE: Humour corner 14 Oct 2010 17:33 #490037

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You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time, a physical impossibility

So that's why every visit to the neurologist starts off with this very test...

RE: Humour corner 14 Oct 2010 18:10 #495688

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lol am I the only one who did exactly as it says on the tin hehehehe??

RE: Humour corner 14 Oct 2010 21:37 #495990

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I must have my stupid hat on then as I did the tongue and the ceiling thing and could do it!

Explain please!

Thanks
Gill

RE: Humour corner 14 Oct 2010 21:39 #495994

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The new advice line that the govenment has set up for the Swine Flu outbreak has had teething problems.

Aparently when you phone it, you can't hear the message - you just get a lot of crackling

RE: Humour corner 15 Oct 2010 09:40 #496022

  • Carol O'Connor
:lol:A duck went into a pub and ordered a sandwich and a pint - bar tender said 'but your a duck' 'yes' the duck said 'I'm on my lunch break - I'm doing a plastering job in the building across the road'

The bar tender gave the duck his lunch and then telephoned the circus which was in the town. 'Great' said the man at the circus 'a talking duck - get him to call round - we'll have a chat and the pay is quite good'

The bar tender went up to the duck and asked him if his lunch was ok and told him that he had called the circus and they would be interested to see him.

'The circus' the duck said - 'the place with the high canvas walls and canvas roof - why do they need a plasterer'<_<

Carol

RE: Humour corner 15 Oct 2010 18:32 #498544

  • alice
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In retrospect I found this quite amusing, (although wasn't as amusing in "real time").

my husband accompnied me to my conference, and when we arrived at the very nice hotel we were to stay in, he found that he forgot to put the (detachable) wheels of my wheelchair into the car!

So, here I was, with a very limited mobility ability, and having to present my work in two days at the confrerence!

we called our son, who looked for the wheels in the parking lot, but could not find even remnanats of them, we called my work and asked security to look around, but got the same answer-no wheels to be found!

so, as a last resort we called the shop from which we got the chair, and low and behold they were able to send us temporary replacement wheels, not as good and light as my original ones (which meant I was totally unable to move the chair on my own), but still useful enough to enable me to go to the conference with my husband's assistance and miss only a few lectures (on the first day), as well as present my own work.
and no one but me even noticed that there was anything unsual about my wheelchair.

I didn't know how to thank them enough. and it was another proof for what I say- life is in the small things, and although you don't always have to invent the wheel, you better have one when you need it!

RE: Humour corner 15 Oct 2010 19:53 #498569

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we called our son, who looked for the wheels in the parking lot

I'm sure there's an App for that Alice... well there certainly is for those of us daft enough to lose their car in a car park!

RE: Humour corner 16 Oct 2010 13:44 #498731

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Well, this was also not amusing at the time, but maybe funny peculiar now!

After my Thymectomy in March 2000, I was moved from ICU to recovery and the following day the step-down ward. It was a 4 bed bay for women post chest surgery, the others had had heart bypasses etc.

The woman in the bed next to me was elderly and the drugs had sent her a bit funny, apparently that is quite a regular occurrence in old people with these drugs. She thought she was at home and couldn' t understand why there were strangers in her house.

In the night she was given enough tranquillser to stop an elephant, so they said, but she still kept getting up and trying to wander around. In the end, they virtually tied her into the bed and someone sat by her side so she couldn't get out. they could not give her any more drugs.

In the morning, she got out of bed and mistook my bay for her bathroom. The first I realised was a pink posterior heading my way!! I shouted for her to stop, but did not have the ability to move quickly, I think I was still hooked up to a drip of something (maybe morphine?).I got out of bed as quickly as I could whilst she had a wee.

I pressed the nurses buzzer and some one came running. There were only 2 nurses on that night and both were exhausted (understaffed). They then dealt with the situation and cleaned my bed, I refused to get back in and I was transferred to the Neuro ward that day, they did try to discharge me but Neuros refused.

RE: Humour corner 16 Oct 2010 15:47 #498750

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Well, this was also not amusing at the time, but maybe funny peculiar now!

A glimpse in to the future perhaps...

RE: Humour corner 25 Oct 2010 14:22 #529986

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This is a story from when I worked at Barts hospital in London, many years ago. I was in the costing department and we were attempting to set up a system to work out costs for different operations to get an idea of where there could be efficiency or such savings to be made. I was analysing theatre costs and came across an operation that I didn't know how to classify. I was very innocent and young then. It was in the urology theatre, and was to remove a vxxxr from a young man's inner posterier cavity, so I asked my boss what the item was and why they were removing it, how it could possibly have got there and of course, what category this came under!!:wub::wub::wub:

He fell about laughing and showed everybody else what I pointed out to him, I can't remember what his answer was!! I think it was something along the lines of use my imagination....

RE: Humour corner 26 Oct 2010 21:38 #537430

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Sign over a Gynaecologist's Office:
Dr. Jones, at your cervix.

In a Podiatrist's office:
Time wounds all heels.

On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

On a Plumber's truck:
We repair what your husband fixed.

On another Plumber's truck:
Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.

On a Church's Bill board:
7 days without God makes one weak.

At a Tyre Store:
Invite us to your next blowout.

On an Electrician's truck:
Let us remove your shorts.

In a Non-smoking Area:
If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.

On a Maternity Room door:
Push. Push. Push.

At an Optometrist's Office:
If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.

On a Taxidermist's window:
We really know our stuff.

On a Fence:
Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!

At a Car Dealership:
The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.

Outside a Car Exhaust Store:
No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.

In a Vets waiting room:
Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!

In a Restaurant window:
Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
Drive carefully. We'll wait.

The sign at a Radiator shop:
Best place in town to take a leak."

The sign on the back of a Septic Tank Truck:
Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises

RE: Humour corner 13 Nov 2010 13:10 #601406

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Reporting a Computer problem Form:


1. Describe your problem:

______________________________________________________________


2. Now, describe the problem accurately:

______________________________________________________________


3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:

______________________________________________________________



4. Problem Severity:

A. Minor__

B. Minor__

C. Minor__

D. Trivial__


5. Nature of the problem:

A. Locked Up__

B. Frozen__

C. Hung__

D. Shot__

E. Dead__


6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes__ No__


7. Is it turned on? Yes__ No__


8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes__ No__


9. Have you made it worse? Yes__


10. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__


11. Are you sure you've read the manual? Yes__ No__


12. Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual? No__


13. Do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__


14. If `Yes' then why can't you fix the problem yourself?

_________________________________________________________________


15. How tall are you? Are you above this line? __________________


16. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem

occurred?

__________________________________________________________________

17. If `nothing' explain why you were logged in.

________________________________________________________________


18. Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem? Yes__ No__


19. How does this problem make you feel? ________________________


20. Tell me about your childhood. _______________________________

21. Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem?

Yes__ No__


22. Can't you do something else, instead of bothering me? Yes_No_
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